Who taught her?

It is a purely Indian sub-urban market where I can find anything, such as fruits, vegetables, provision stores, pani-puri lorries, a popular chaat shop, different banks, clothing shops, and, more interestingly, a famous shop selling Rasgulla and Gulab jamun (both of which are popular in Odisha). I like the place very much. I used to go there whenever I visited Salepur with my sister-in-laws. Salepur is a district town in Odisha. Odisha is culturally very rich and the people of Odisha firmly believe in God. Here, people are not businessmen by nature, like Gujaratis. Usually, men prefer to do jobs, especially government jobs, while women do domestic work only. There is no importance to business. Even businessmen face difficulty in finding a woman for marriage. Married women rarely wear punjabi suits; they wear sarees mostly (in sub-urban and rural areas). Women do the majority of the cooking and household work.

Once, I visited one shop with my sister-in-law to buy some clothes in the same market. To my surprise, the owner of the shop we visited was a woman. A very small shop of 10 × 10 ft with lots of clothes. Some were arranged on racks and some were dumped on the floor. She was busy dealing with persistent customers and other work. She has a spark in her face. She was very quick in decision-making and at work too. My sister-in-law added to my surprise that her shop is running more successfully than other shops that are owned by men. A woman in this strict society (for me) is doing business! Who trained or taught her? Who guided her through the business? Who suggested that she choose this business? Who is helping her with backward and forward linkages? Who is helping her with household or domestic work? Who encouraged her to do this kind of business? All of these questions remain unanswered for me.

Another incident which I can’t wipe out from my memory since its occurrence is that of Alkaben, one of the community mobilizers from Banaskantha district for the watershed project. The district of Gujarat is very underdeveloped in terms of education, resources, livelihood opportunities and, last but not least, in gender perspectives. With very limited options, women in the district are working as social mobilizers who have to go from village to village and mobilise the village community for the development aspects. The role also includes doing the work among women toward gender balance.

The sad part is that all the women who are working in this region, they themselves can’t uplift their lives and can’t even talk about gender perspective in their own home. Women have to prepare food, take care of children and their education, and do all kinds of other domestic work as well as social practices. This all applies in their workplace too. She can’t talk to any male person in the village (as, in a cluster of villages, people know each other very well) due to so-called societal limitations. When they visit their in-laws' village, they have to cover their faces. They have to give birth to at least one male child. During interaction with other women social mobilizers, I came to know the pathetic situation that all women working as social mobilizers think the same way, and they are working to change the mindset of the village community!

But Alkaben was different. Once I got a chance to share a room with Alkaben at Ambaji, Banaskantha-Gujarat. She was talking about her life, and I found that it was the same situation, but something was different. She has a girl as her first child, and she started facing problems with her in-laws. She was initially unaware of her husband's stance, but she began raising her voice in support of her child. Her in-laws were not in favour of giving extra care to a girl child and insisted on giving her a second male child. But she never compromised on taking care of the child. She said I never raised my voice for me, but for her I would do everything. Gradually, she found out that her husband had also gotten encouraged and had started to support her. Now she is also the mother of one male child, but she is not making any difference in their upbringings. She said in between, "If I don’t celebrate the birthday of my male child, it is OK, but I am not and will not miss celebrating the birthday of my female child."

I was surprised at her courage to take a stand in this kind of environment where very few people understand the issue. At that time, I thought, who gave her the courage to take a stand? In fact, who made her realise or taught her this behaviour? She is also from the same society. Then who encouraged her? It is very difficult to take a stand as a woman in this kind of society. Salute to her from my side.

These are just two examples. But I know more, like my maid, my maternal aunty (Mami, now she is no more), my mother, and many more. And I am sure you all have many similar examples. There is a saying that says a woman has a hidden power. We come to realise her power only after she does something extraordinary at some critical time in her personal or family life.